In recent years, I have added another thing on my list of pet peeves. One of them is nose hair. Ugh. Long, coarse, curly, stubborn hair that grows like dandelions in there, tickling the inside of your nose and, on occasion, peeking out from a nostril and causing people to look like a fucking caveman.
While talking to a friend of mine, I noticed hair sticking out and it bothered me so much that I stopped in mid-sentence, and pointed it out to him that it looks like a rat’s tail. Ewww
“You are not the first one to actually notice it. I have tried on many occasions to pluck these hairs with my fingers. This is often a failure on two fronts. First I yank at the hair, which hurts and makes my eyes water and sometimes makes me pee a little in my undies, and then it just straightens the hair so it sticks out farther from my nose, giving the appearance that the rat has become a possum. Or perhaps an anaconda”
I laughed so hard snot came out of my nose. LOL
In recent years, they came out with a device specially created to trim nose hair. Hallelujah! It’s small – about the size of my thumb – and the business end of it looks a little like a crown. The directions say to stick it up there where only rats dare to tread, turn it on and let it go to work. It’s like a wee little weed hacker.
Except deadlier.
Last night I did what the directions said to do (when sticking things up one’s nose, I’ve found it wise not to freestyle), but the goddamn thing didn’t work right. Oh, it cut the hairs alright. But when I accidentally let it rub up against the inside of my right nostril, it drilled right through the skin, right through the flesh, and made a nice little skylight for my nose.
I chucked the wee weed hacker against the wall and it shattered like the little piece of misguided technology it is. Good riddance!
This morning, I removed the gauze pad inside my nose and was relieved to find that the bleeding had stopped. There was a hole in my nostril the perfect size to hold my toothbrush when I rinse. Sweet.
